Monday, June 8, 2020

The Space Where My Heart Used To Be

I have filled the space
You left
In my chest
Where my heart used to be
With many things

Flowers
Dried and fresh
Many colours
So much perfume
It's a garden
That blooms in the dark
Especially in the dark
When I'm sad
Because the garden is magic
Your name is on the gate
My garden is for you

I have filled my chest with birds
They sing
Songs
About us
For us
It's springtime
But also winter
They sing forever
They wake me up too early
But I love them
Because they are singing
And I want to let them be

My chest
It's filled with singing
But not just birds
Old songs
I don't know the words
I can't hear the words
Because there aren't any
But the songs carry
On the wind
Like they've always done
From before you and I

There are also children
In my chest
In the hole where my heart used to be
The heart that one day slipped into your chest
(I was surprised)
The children are small
They wear no shoes
The way it's supposed to be
They laugh
And run
And I think they look like us
Your nose
My eyes
And they are happy
Because they are ours
Because they are loved
Because we weren't

In my chest
In that hole
Where my heart used to be
I have filled in love of others
Love of friends
Friends past and future
Love of lovers
Lovers past and future
Love of stories
Love of life
Love of failure
Love of rot
Love of things that women talk about
Love of never knowing

In your chest
In your body
There is my heart
And you carry it with you
Everywhere
Were you surprised?
I didn't ask
For your permission
I'm sorry
It just slipped
From my chest into yours
One day
I didn't realise
At the time
We were standing so close
I couldn't tell
Whose heart
It was
That
I
Heard
Beating