Unbelievable

(Originally composed Monday, August 13, 2007)

On a bad day early last year. I had a lot of those for a while. This one's called 'Unbelievable'.

I shall keep writing
About my pain
I shall keep writing
Until it goes away
My heart, good God
It churns in hurt
My mind, this mind
It can't forget.
What could be
The matter with me.
I've been dancing in a dream
And I woke up in tears
What happened to me
What happened to me
I wish someone'd tell me
How to stop this hurt
That won't let me be
I've tried to work
To play it away
I've tried to cry
To laugh it away
To sing it away
To dance it away
To dress it away
To sleep it away
To read it away
To write it away
But it comes back
It won't go away
I am thinking clearly
Willing it to leave
But it's like something in me
That isn't me
That won't leave
Could I have been dreaming all this time
Did any of it ever happen
I hate this
What this has done to me
I don't want this to be like this
I want my heart to heal
But it won't
Why won't it?
How can this be?
Just get me out of here
Somebody please
Oh God, please.
Please help me
This is like something that has some control over me
Why can't I will it away?
My heart is so broken
My life feels empty
I think something's wrong with me
What's wrong with me
Why does this not go away
Why does it stay
I want to be me
The person I used to be
I don't want to cry over this anymore
I don't want to but I can't stop
Please help me
No one can help me
It is so horrid
It's like a nightmare
It won't go away
I can't believe it
I can't believe it at all
I can't believe this is me