Friday, March 12, 2010

What's your sleep number?

I appreciate a good night's rest.

For many years I wasn't able to sleep very well. I was depressed, stressed out, and lonely. If I ever woke up in the middle of the night, I'd gasp at the overwhelming silence within me. Every morning, I'd wake up with stale headaches and bodyaches. Those aches were the worst part of the day I'd see yawning before me. I felt like the Tin Man, rusting and squeaking from all his joints, frequently lockjawed or frozen when the decay got the better of him, always lamenting the loss of his heart with tears that would rust him even more as he awkwardly and noisily stomped about the place. Clank, clank, clank went he, went me.

My life is much different now. Every night I can feel my body slowly relax until it begins to feel like a foetus suspended in a delicious sticky womb. I feel happy and safe. My mind is quiet, my thoughts are smooth and creamy and soft. I can follow my thoughts until I realise that I'm remembering things that don't make sense because they haven't happened yet. That's when I know I am 15 seconds away from falling asleep and activating parts of my mind that hold their tongues during the day. That's when my other life in the other dimension begins. I hardly wake up during the night. When I do open my eyes in the morning, I feel like how I used to when I was little. Like Thumbelina waking up for the first time, yawning and stretching, a brand new person, stepping out barefoot from the flower where she was born.

I enjoy my sleep so much. I enjoy waking up and lying in bed for a while, licking the bowl clean of the last few intoxicating drops of truly restful sleep. I am so grateful for this sense of complete physical relaxation that had evaded me all those years. These are the things that really matter in life.

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